If I Had Never

If I Had Never

Sometimes I sit here,

It happens always ’round this time of year,

Thoughts that stir a kind of fear,

Memories I once held dear,

Run away as I beckon them near.

Sitting and thinking,

Thoughts swirling and sinking,

Sometimes I get an inkling,

Thoughts inside my head hinting,

Thoughts provoke a sleepless night blinking,

The sugar plum fairies on Christmas Eve winking,

My heart sometimes does nothing but sear,

During this so called jolly time of year.

What is a life,

Who has never encountered any sort of strife,

A husband who would never think to hit his wife,

One who would hesitate to grab that jagged knife,

Tales court jesters relay in the old days on laughing fifes,

Stop your smiling blind souls go fly a goddam kite,

You better hold on to Aeolus’s winds nice and tight,

Jolly thoughts never fail to evade me on this blessed night.

If I had never tasted chocolate,

If I had never squished sand between my toes,

If I had never been the nerd in school,

If I had never had my heart broken,

If I had never had to mop tears with a soul strong as a Medieval gauntlet,

Never let rain drops kiss my skin so sporadic,

Felt sunshine warm my back with sweet sonnets,

Never threw down my pride like a Pilgrim’s bonnet,

Blushed when others remained nonchalant,

Thoughts such as this often leave me rather haunted.

I continue to sit here,

Sipping this forsaken beer,

Mind shaken as a frail frigid deer,

Yet such scattered thoughts can appear,

To swallow one up with thoughts akin to fear,

Never allow said evils to linger and leer,

Round these parts they do try and peer,

Never fear,

Keep these thoughts at bay yet, near,

Constant reminders of manifestations shrouded in false cheer,

Merry tidings that creep so close ’round this jolly time of the year,

St. Nick better know better then to come ’round here,

Hurry and ignore the mischievous Jack Frost as he tickles your ear,

I’ll sit and wait here for the arrival of Fate’s eager puppeteer,

Have no fear- Death won’t overhear.

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