Be My Guest

Hello, I’m a self-proclaimed maniac. Not necessarily because people call me a “maniac” (although they do) or because I grew up in an environment that would make one a “maniac” (because I didn’t). No, nobody just becomes a “maniac” in my book…you’re born one. Lucky for all of you, you can read my posts, get a good chuckle or two out of them, then close out this window and carry on with your day. On the other hand, I cannot- I’m a slave to this window, as it is an extension of my maniacal mind. Lucky bastards. You’re all my dinner guests, and I am your endearing host…and Miss Scarlett is not invited.

So what defines the term “maniac” anyway? Or crazy, or nuts, or insane, or loony- all essentially synonymous words which signify an individual or societal condition or mental state. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, “maniac” can be broken down into three separate definitions; “someone who is violent and mentally ill, a person who behaves in a very wild way, a person who is extremely enthusiastic about something.” Well that escalated quickly. The definition of the term has (arguably) blurred so much over time that once upon a time, the word signified the mental state of an individual who had been diagnosed with a clinical, debilitating mental condition- yet the word has expanded, transcended itself, and today encompasses such a broad scale of “excited” individuals that quite possibly could include every human being on the planet.  Going off of the latter use of the word then, aren’t we all maniacs? Ever been excited while signing for an unexpected FedEx package (because clearly I have somebody who cares)? Pumped, when your college professor cancels class, enabling you to slug cheap vodka with that-super-fun-alcoholic-friend-we-all-have-who-never-goes-to-class-and-eventually-drops-out? Struggling to stay awake to catch Santa Claus? Did you nod your head and smile knowingly at any point whilst reading any of the aforementioned rhetorical prompts? THEN YOU ARE A MANIAC.

The sooner you accept this, the better of you’ll be. For those who refuse to accept this, well, they’re screwed…or serial killers (see: screwed).

That being said, one could argue that there are varying “degrees” of crazy/maniac/psycho/ect/ect/ect/ect…

And if you’re looking for idle distraction, bestowed upon you by a self-proclaimed (and verified) “maniac” who is PROBABLY more of a “maniac” then you already are…then you’ve come to the right place.

So be my guest for a while, step into my mind, I’ll spit some maniacal mutterings your way, take it or leave it- just be thankful that you dear reader, can come and go as you please.

That’s all for now folks, hope I’ve piqued your interest…if not, than you’re probably a much better, bigger, and BADDER “maniac” than me. If so, I’ll be maniacally awaiting my invitation from the FedEx man.


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